i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
