Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
