You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
