Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
