Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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