We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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