so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
