She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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