my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
