JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
