I think my vagina is haunted
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
