It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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