i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
