He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
