Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
