You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
