I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
And then he peed in my hair
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