I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
