i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
