i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
