She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
