Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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