Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
