I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
