eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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