Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize