So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
