haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
