I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
