his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
