I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
