Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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