wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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