Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
