none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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