Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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