I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
