He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
