I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
