He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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