she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
