I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
