Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
