This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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