next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
