I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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