The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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