You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
