Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
