Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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