Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
