if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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