i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
