***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
