you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
