You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
