we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
