I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
