I didn't shave. On purpose
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
