Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
