I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I party with great urgency now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
