Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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