My nipple is on Facebook.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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