Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
