You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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