I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
