Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you had me at cake vodka
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
