Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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