I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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