id be glad to
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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