If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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