I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize