he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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