So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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