There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
