my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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