just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
