and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
