No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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