I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
