His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
