I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize