Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
