I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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